Ya Just Don't Know

You know what I am talking about right? That weird space in between the Oreo: the white nothingness. No one knows what exactly it is, you know it is there and it taste good, but it surely will mess you up when it gets to the stomach. I have heard that it will stay in your stomach for seven years, now, we know that's not true, regardless it will be sour in your stomach. It is almost like the time of life I am in; undefinable. People ask me how I am doing and well quite frankly I don't know. Let me tell you my best answer. If I am having a good day circumstancially, it tastes good, then my day is well. For instance, if I have had a good cup of coffee, then my day is good. Imagine, I am living for a cup of coffee, not really, kind of, but those who do not have hope in the Lord are living for a cup of coffee, relationship, food, a body, a smile; anthing to fill the hole, the void that is not going away. This thought makes me short circut. I do not know why exactly, besides the thought, they have something so incredibly temporary to live for, is horribe. The Lord did not make people to live for a cup of coffee. On the other hand, if circumstatially I am having a bad day I realize how poor in spirit I am. I realize I am wretched, I am so hungry, I am messed up, so broken. You know why the poor in spirit inheirit the kingdom of heaven, I think it is because when you are poor in spirit, you realize that a cup of coffee is not worth living for and you must go for more, which is living for something other than what is scene, the kingdom of heaven. A place where the spirit and the hole within is eternally satisfied. Your very world is transformed, you realize that you have been brought out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light and if you haven't you want to find the way to the kingdom of light. You begin to live for eternity and because of that you will inheirit much in the kingdom of heaven. When you are poor in spirit you long to live, and must live, for something more. When you are poor in spirit you get: clothed in garments of splendor, rich with gold refined in the fire, and eyes opened to see. Oh man! That is good stuff. I think the hardest part, is remaining poor in spirit, staying in that place. I do not know how to do that, I do not want to make myself suffer when I do not need to suffer, yet I do not want to end the hardship and to receive not the fullness of the blessing. I want to know how to do that, please help me, if you have any advice. Lastly, I believe the reason that I am and others are getting to eat the white stuff is due to the prayers that I have cried out, "Lord change me no matter what it takes, Lord I want to know you please do not let me settle..." Praise the Lord that he answers pray, maybe not how I like it but, He is the Good Shepherd, I trust Your lead, my God and my King!