Spider Convention

Alright now, these thoughts have been burning in me for the past few weeks, finally I feel released to get them out. Well as a maintenance man, I do a lot of cleaning, so I guess it could be said that I much more like a janitor than a maintenance man. However, my title here at the church is maintenance, thus I call myself a maintenance man. As a maintenance man I see a lot of gross things, little brown paper bags, food smushed into the carpet, and well toilet gunk, and these things are not the most fun to clean up, but they are not the worst. I think one of the worst things that I have to clean up is spider webs. I hate cleaning these things up. Why you say, well let me tell ya (don't worry the burning thoughts are about to come, it just needs to be set up well): they stick to everything you used to clean them up with, they stick to the wall a lot instead of the tool I am using to clean them up with, they are often times pretty high and make my shoulders burn, at times they get so high I have to throw brooms up into them because I have nothing long enough to reach them and this stinks because all the debris flies in my eyes when I am looking up to get em. So I was thinking about these bloody spider webs and these were my thoughts. I wonder how and why spiders make there webs inside anyway. Surely, there are way more bugs outside than inside, right? So my thoughts progressed deeper and deeper. They must have an annual or semi-annual conference where all matters are discussed and concluded. I am sure they have the daddy long legs, for everyone knows that the daddy long legs are the wisest of spiders, as well as the granddaddy long legs, and if they are fortunate for that year's conference they have a great grandaddy long leg that has survived the years to reveal his wisdom. I am sure his wisdom is coveted by all the young spiders, although I am sure there are some that are rebellious and think their way is better. And still others that do not disagree with the old wise spiders, but have discovered times are changing due to global warming or other natural causes and have a new way of doing it.

So as I thought about such high and lofty things I began to think about the breakout sessions and what they talked about at them. I was certain that at these events is where they had the discussion as to where to weave your web. Some would argue inside buildings are far easier than outside of buildings due to the fact that the corners are concave, where the outside corners are convex, which you obviously can not web-weave there. Still others would I am sure say, that is why the windows are the best because they have the benefits of being outside and they have good corners. However, I am certain that only small spiders boast about the window corners, and the big House Spider raises one of his many hands in objection complaining that such advice preposterous. "There is no possible way that a window corner could hold my web" he says with slight irritation, but is truly prideful that he spins a mighty web that no window could hold. Then I am sure that order has to be restore to the breakout session and the subject is changed to the most effective web design. Here they bring in the master web designer, probably named Ryan (oh my gosh that is an unplanned, yet brilliant joke). I think I am going to stop before my blog losses all credibility.