Ode to Colby

Ode to Colby

Well Colby, a dear friend of mine, who I will talk about further in the lines to come, and I were talking the other day about how it is easier for certain people to be more joyful than others simply put. Another way of saying it would be "having gifts that differ according to the grace gvien to us" and well the conversation really made me ponder some things. First, I thought Colby is great at causing other people to think about things. Now if this ability is a gift or something other I am not sure, but the fruit of this ability has always been good in my life. It could be said that he is a skeptic, but I don’t think that is accurate in Colby's case. I would call him a searcher or a quester, for he is not does not do it in skeptism, but, he is in a search or quest for truth. His heart is right in this search. Truth, he wants truth, which is Jesus, therefore, it leads people to Jesus, which I am sure he does not feel that way because I would guess that it makes him feel pretty miserable, but many are rejoicing in the light that he has found and will find. So Colby's gift (I have decided it is a gift, maybe the gift of hunger for truth) is one that leads people into the depths of truth, into the depths of Jesus. Now, I am sure that Colby will receive that compliment well, because he loves compliments, well most compliments that is...

...There is one compliment that Colby is tired of hearing: "nice calves man" and if any of you know Colby you know that he has probably the best looking calves you have ever seen. I am serious. When I think of the perfect calves, I think Colby Ivey. Now let me explain why I have gone into Colby's calves, it is not strictly to have Colby get a little frustrated, although, that is some of my motivation; it is to prove a point. Colby has done nothing to get such nice calves, he will have nice calves until the days he dies; it could be said that they were a gift. A problem arises if I look at Colby's (Colby is on the left and D.O. is another good friend) calves and set out to have nice calves like Colby. Why you ask, well because it would never work. I could work out my calves for years and I would still have skinny legs with calves that make little ball just below the back of my knee... Hold on I still haven’t gotten my point across… Ok here is another thought that should help the pieces come together. I had this thought when I was up at Gold's Gym working out and I saw a guy that looked to be in great shape. He had broad shoulders, with well-defined muscles. At first I began to compare myself to this guy wishing I could look like him. I began to think what do I need to do to look like that, but it dawned on me I could never look like that dude. I simply do not have the frame to look like him; therefore, if I spent all my time trying to look like him I would: A) get really frustrated in my pursuit to be like him because I could never do it, due to the fact I was never supposed to look like him and B) I would lose my identity in who God created me to be which is sin!

I then began to think about myself in a positive light, I am in fairly good shape, my bench is probably higher than it has every been in my life, I feel good, and look good. Although, my bench is the highest it has ever been, I bet the dude could bench more than I ever could even at my peak. Now, I can choose to get mad, jealous, or strive to be someone I am not. Or I acknowledge that he is in good shape, is stronger than me and rejoice in that. When I do that, I am free to be me and he is free to be him. I guessing, simply judging by the guy's build that I could out run him (distance), which of course he could see me and think I have to be able to out run this guy and focus all his effort on that and where would that get him? He would loose his strength to try and beat me. At this point I realized how much I do this same type of comparison in the church, with others gifts i.e. acts of mercy, prophecy, and list could go on. I will see someone that is really good at showing mercy, like Niki (my girlfriend) and think man I wish I could care for people like she does, which maybe is good, but right now I do not think so. I think I should just acknowledge my weakness, ask God for help, and praise him for how Niki is created to show mercy. Again let me say, I do not think Niki has to work hard to show mercy it is simply how she is wired. If someone gets hurt, she will want them feel better (although she might laugh if they fell, she thinks people falling is funny) and feel horrible for them, just because that is how she is created.

What would be awesome is if we could all stop trying to be like everyone else and be who God has created us to be, pre-sin or in Christ, which, the only way that can happen is if we know that we are loved as his children. We have to know that he loves us for who we are, because he has created us. Would it not be awesome to have the church again? A group a people that knew who they were, what they were good at and fine with how God created them, embracing their weaknesses because his grace is enough and living from the abundance of grace given to us for our gifts. Imagine this (back to working out illustration) I see "bowed up dude", rejoice in who God has made him to be and desire to see him to be as fit as possible because I want him to be all that he can be, I am not jealous, but love him and want him to be his best. Now, what if that happened in the church, where we are to all have a goal and are all focused on Jesus. We would all want everyone to be in "tip top fitness" because it was for Jesus, and violently advancing His Kingdom (so we need to be in shape right? We are against a strong foe). We could release the prophet to be the prophet, the evangelist to be the evangelist and so on for the building up of the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (we would have the fullness of Christ). We want everyone to be in the best shape with Jesus, regardless of how it looks, of course I will still work out my calves, but it is not to look like Colby, it is to glorify Jesus and do it for him. My in shape looks different than that of "bowed up dude" as the grace given to me looks different than that of Niki’s, but we must encourage everyone to be who they are and to be their best that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine rather, speaking the truth in love, [that we may] grow up in everyway in to who is the head, into Christ... Let’s hit the weights.

P.S. Colby is a great rock climber, the rock before him could be the toughest he has ever seen.

The Big and the Small of It

What happens when the small thinks itself to be big?
When truly it was the big that thinks much of the small.

This thought came to me as I was reading Jeremiah 4:30:
"And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet,
that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint?
In vain you beautify yourself. Your lovers despise you; they seek your life."

For some reason it struck me, that Israel was a small little place compared to the rest of the world, but none of the mighty kingdoms that surrounded Israel, messed with her. And why is this? God protected her! Israel, although small, thought itself to be big, but in reality, God thought much of Israel [still does think much of Israel].

My Apologies

Wow, it has been a long time since of have written, which I regret. For anyone who was actually reading this and has been offended, I be sorry. I am going to make another effort to write again, just not today. I have one ready to publish, but not on this computer, so until then, have a splendid time.

Spider Convention

Alright now, these thoughts have been burning in me for the past few weeks, finally I feel released to get them out. Well as a maintenance man, I do a lot of cleaning, so I guess it could be said that I much more like a janitor than a maintenance man. However, my title here at the church is maintenance, thus I call myself a maintenance man. As a maintenance man I see a lot of gross things, little brown paper bags, food smushed into the carpet, and well toilet gunk, and these things are not the most fun to clean up, but they are not the worst. I think one of the worst things that I have to clean up is spider webs. I hate cleaning these things up. Why you say, well let me tell ya (don't worry the burning thoughts are about to come, it just needs to be set up well): they stick to everything you used to clean them up with, they stick to the wall a lot instead of the tool I am using to clean them up with, they are often times pretty high and make my shoulders burn, at times they get so high I have to throw brooms up into them because I have nothing long enough to reach them and this stinks because all the debris flies in my eyes when I am looking up to get em. So I was thinking about these bloody spider webs and these were my thoughts. I wonder how and why spiders make there webs inside anyway. Surely, there are way more bugs outside than inside, right? So my thoughts progressed deeper and deeper. They must have an annual or semi-annual conference where all matters are discussed and concluded. I am sure they have the daddy long legs, for everyone knows that the daddy long legs are the wisest of spiders, as well as the granddaddy long legs, and if they are fortunate for that year's conference they have a great grandaddy long leg that has survived the years to reveal his wisdom. I am sure his wisdom is coveted by all the young spiders, although I am sure there are some that are rebellious and think their way is better. And still others that do not disagree with the old wise spiders, but have discovered times are changing due to global warming or other natural causes and have a new way of doing it.

So as I thought about such high and lofty things I began to think about the breakout sessions and what they talked about at them. I was certain that at these events is where they had the discussion as to where to weave your web. Some would argue inside buildings are far easier than outside of buildings due to the fact that the corners are concave, where the outside corners are convex, which you obviously can not web-weave there. Still others would I am sure say, that is why the windows are the best because they have the benefits of being outside and they have good corners. However, I am certain that only small spiders boast about the window corners, and the big House Spider raises one of his many hands in objection complaining that such advice preposterous. "There is no possible way that a window corner could hold my web" he says with slight irritation, but is truly prideful that he spins a mighty web that no window could hold. Then I am sure that order has to be restore to the breakout session and the subject is changed to the most effective web design. Here they bring in the master web designer, probably named Ryan (oh my gosh that is an unplanned, yet brilliant joke). I think I am going to stop before my blog losses all credibility.

Weak at Last

O, to be in the Lord’s presence.
Here I am wanted and desired.
There is no flaw in me.
The purity and the life
Radiates forth in the throne room of heaven.

Where are you Jesus?
I feel your peace,
I feel your hand upon me.
Where are you?
I do not simply want peace,
I want you!

May that echo in the courts of heaven.
I want you Jesus!
Thank you that your love is steady.
There are never droughts that quench the river of your love.

Let us go swimming, where are you in this river?
On my shoulder I feel you touch, but I look to late.
Deep, still deeper I go, knowing that, that is where you are going.
Let us go to an underground world deep, in the heart of the river.

Into the blackest of holes you go,
Jesus, my faith cannot hold out much longer.
My breath is about to run out, restore my breath,
That I might go to the depths to which you go.
Give me more faith that I might keep going down
I do not want to have to go back up.

Come and rescue you me Jesus.
My life now gone, lifeless I hang in the depths of the water
I have nowhere else to go.
I know that you will not disappoint me.

As I stop fighting, stop swimming;
I sink, deeper, effortlessly deeper.
The predators begin to swim around me,
But I know they cannot harm me.
I have nothing, I can just sink,
With hopes that you will catch me when I get to the depths of myself.

No more floaties, no more things to make me think I am ok.
I refuse to hold to anything, anymore; nothing.
I pass the rainbows, you will catch me.
Soon, eventually, I will hit the Rock.
The Rock that breaks all that fall upon it,
Broken, crushed, weak, lowly, alone, afraid, helpless:
This Rock brings the truth to light.
Let me be crushed, alone, afraid, broken, helpless:
Weak at last, I am not enough, I am broken, alone, afraid, helpless.
Finally, the truth that will set me free, I suck and that is ok.

I cannot do it, my heart rejoice, you are weak.
It is true, deny it no longer, you are wretched, dirty, and black.
Dead, hard, smoky, crushed, and smothered, you are my heart.
I have thought you were alive due to some emotions, but,
You are suffocating, be yourself and embrace that you are mess.

The cross takes only, the weak, bloody, broken, wretched, and deformed.
The cross is for the messy, beaten, afraid, lowly, and lonely.
The Rock, crushed his own Son, let the Rock crush you.
You are his son too. The Rock crushes only to bring life.
He only exposes you to cloth you, my heart embrace, who you are,
What you have become. You are not good or strong, O rejoice,
There is nothing good in you.

Be glad, I am weak at last. O liberating truth.
I never thought I would be so happy to confess:
I am lonely, afraid, not happy, unsatisfied, dirty, bloody, hard, and a mess.
But, I am! I am joyous to confess it!
I am what I am and I cannot change it!
Yes! It is true. I CANNOT CHANGE IT!
Liberty rings in these words, listen to it.

I, cannot change my dirty, rotten heart.
And man, it is rotten, no more hiding, no more clinging to the floaties.
I am a crusty, wrinkled, and deformed.
I do not have to hide it.
I am insecure and I do not think that I am cool.
No more, this is who I am.
I am in the light.

The blood of Jesus cleanses me.
Jesus gives me a new heart.
Jesus alone can change me. His loving touch restores me life.
His Spirit, his blood, his love.
You are strong! You are healing. You are tender.
Come and change me.
Your strength is far greater than my weakness!

"Hurricane a Comin Hoist the Riggins"

First off if anyone can name the movie quote from which my title comes from, I will call you, and congradulate you on the phone (please leave you number, due to the fact I lose phones frequently I have a hard time keeping up with #s). I will gladly put a second, I went on a date with a girl on Friday...and it was real fun. I like her! However, intriging that might be, that is not the main reason I wanted to blog. This following information is crucial...maybe a little dramatic, it is for sure exciting. I believe that the season in my life is changing or about to change. I heard a song that stirred deep emotions today by John Mark McMillan, called "How He Loves". For my roomates (at A&M that is) this is my latest guy to like, he is up there with Misty and Jason Upton. The whole song is money but it is the first verse and the last one that gets me. The first

"He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

The last verse:

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...Cause he loves us...

I believe that the next season for me entails being like the tree in verse one. I think his love that is like a hurricane and the weight of his wind and mercy are going to bend me. I am excited to love, to live, and to enjoy. I am even looking forward to the strain, the pain, the bending, and hurting it will entail. I will being living, breathing, enjoying; life. Finally, able to be loved. O I am so excited to be loved and to love in return. I am excited to have a heart that bleeds when it is cut. Rocks don't bleed, but flesh does. I am certain as well, that the Lord is going to have to remind me of this blog, when I am in pain and a mess in the floor, crying out for relief from the pain. I know this...but more and more I am learning he is with me, and does not want me to hurt, yet he does want a bride that hurts with him. Yes, yes let it be Lord!

Big Ball of ahhmy Gosh

Well, it has been a while since I have put anything out here in the big nothingness, or everything, I am not sure about what it is, the internet. I was not for certain what I was going to talk about today when I got on, I feel like I am a big ball of energy. I just keep fidgeting and being like ahhhh man, what I am going to do. However, as I typed that first line it made me think about the internet and how crazy it is. I cannot get past the fact that I can hit a button that says publish and it goes really to nowhere, but can be seen everywhere, by anyone that wants to see it. That is crazy to me. I mean think about wireless internet. It is floating around all around you or me, for sure, right now since I am on wireless, but probably you too, now-a-days There is limitless information in the room with me. I mean is that good for me. What does it do to me? This is crazy I mean crazy. Amen.